It’s time to deal with the pain caused from a toxic relationship.
I have had chronic medical issues for the last few years. It has been frustrating that I don’t have an answer to what has been ailing me.
The doctors are stumped. They cannot seem to figure out what is wrong with me.
I participated in blood test after blood test. The results? There were no leads. My frustration increased.
I noticed something. They tested me for toxins. The doctors shared with me that toxins in low doses over long periods of time can destroy the body. Sometimes causing death.
I started to thinking about toxins and the impact they have on the body. This led my mind to wrap around how toxic relationships impact the soul.
Then I realized something important.[bctt tweet=”Just like toxins poison the body toxic relationships poison the heart. #toxicrelationships #soulcare” username=”jim_Burgoon”]
Once the heart is full of poison you have to focus on healing or it could end in the fracturing of your soul.
You are broken, empty, bitter, confused, and a slew of other things.
So the real question:
They say that the worst pain in the world comes from a broken heart.
I would like to amend that.
I think the worst pain comes from a broken soul.
Let me explain:
Your soul contains your mind, will, and emotions. It is the essence of who you are. When your soul is deeply broken your heart has no chance.[bctt tweet=”The longer you ignore your brokenness the worse your condition becomes. #brokensoul #restore” username=”jim_Burgoon”]
It feels that toxic residue amplifies the damaged emotions we already have.
Recently, I had exited from a toxic relationship. I truly believed that we were friends. What I did not realize was that I was allowing their toxic ways to overrun me.
Believing that I was emotionally healthy I thought I could handle the relationship. I convinced myself that I could help them. They could become healthy because I was part of their process.
Gosh, I was so wrong.
Instead of helping this person toward health they had dragged me back to an unhealthy place.
I wanted to bring the best out in them, but they brought the worst out in me.
Once they exited from my life I was left with the residue of emotional pain.
I was confused, anxious, angry, and I could not get over the feelings of worthlessness.
What I realized was that the unhealthy places in me were amplified by the toxic people surrounding me.[bctt tweet=”You don’t realize how unhealthy you are until you are faced with the pain of it. #toxicrelationships” username=”jim_Burgoon”]
Life can become unbearable when you add the pain from a toxic relationship.
To heal from the pain of your past you must begin to heal from the pain caused by toxic relationships.
A simple question then forms.
How can I heal from a toxic relationship?
Let me help you with a few things you can do to heal from the painful toxic relationships of your life.
What would you do if your home caught on fire? You would put distance between you and the fire. More importantly, you would do this as fast as possible. When your life depends on it; you move far away from the trouble to protect yourself.
If we do this when we believe our lives are in danger why don’t we do this when our souls are in danger?
It is as if we would rather live broken instead of living healthy. Or maybe we believe the life we have is all we will ever have so we would rather live even if it is jacked up living.
If I can share anything with you let it be this.
Your soul matters. The life you are living matters. Why not make it the best you can?
To do that you will have to put distance between you and the person.
One of the top questions from my last post: What if the toxic person is a part of your family?
Family members, who are toxic, are the hardest pain to work through.
Why? Because no matter what happens they are still family. It is tough to find healing from toxic relationships when they are still in the picture.
Distance is still a viable option.
You may not be able to break the relationship off, but you can create space. You can limit your time and interaction with them.
Say someone in your family is toxic. It could be anyone, but I have found that the closer the relationship the hard it will be to distance yourself. Don’t fret! It can be done![bctt tweet=”the closer the relationship the harder it will be to distance yourself. It still can be done. #health #soul” username=”jim_Burgoon”]
A tip I would give in this situation is limit your interaction. Don’t be on the phone every night. Learn to limit your conversation to 1 night. Don’t be on the phone for 2 hours with them. Make your call last 20 minutes top.
Instead of seeing them face to face every day. Limit your time to once a week or once a year. Whatever you think you need to create the proper distance.
Remember, the goal is not isolation it is healing.
If you want to know how to tell then read my article: Your friends could be the reason you’re not thriving. That should help you determine who is and is not toxic in your life.[bctt tweet=”Remember, not everyone is toxic, but everyone is damaged. #revelation #truth #soulcare” username=”jim_Burgoon”]
I read of an experiment. It is found in a book called Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend.
As the experiment goes, there was a school on a hill. At the bottom of the hill, they erected a fence. After the fence was erected they allow the kindergarteners to play outside. They played near the fence. There was climbing on the fence. The students felt comfortable and free to play wherever they wanted.
Then they removed the fence. The next day the kindergarteners never left the front of the school. They could no longer see the boundary and thus were full of fear to go further than they were.
A powerful story that shows us something important.[bctt tweet=”A boundary that is well defined is a boundary that gives us freedom to move within its area. #createhealth” username=”jim_Burgoon”]
A boundary does not confine me.
A boundary frees me.
With that in mind we if we are going to fight for our health then we must have well-defined boundaries. These boundaries will inform people where the limit is. When people know where the limit is they tend to operate within the limit.
If they don’t follow them then you have to remind them what the boundary is.
Continued violation of a boundary should incur a consequence.
Consequences can be as easy as saying, “this conversation is over.” Take it a step further. Let them know, “If you cannot follow my boundary then we need to rethink our friendship.”
It’ll be tough, but you got this.
The hard truth:
[bctt tweet=”Just because people are toxic doesn’t mean you have to be. #wakeup #soulcare” username=”jim_Burgoon”]
A toxic person will remain toxic unless something happens in their life to force them to find help.
Last night I had a conversation with someone close to me. They were unhealthy in their speech towards me. I kindly said, “I am not going to be unhealthy in this conversation. If you cannot speak to me with respect then I will have to end the conversation.”
This person continued in the behavior. I replied, “I care about you. Yet, this conversation is now over. I will not be unhealthy or go to an unhealthy place. Have a great night.”
I ended the conversation.
Did I hate doing that? YES!
My heart is sensitive.
Was that the best thing for my health? YES!
My health is incredibly important to me. To help others be healthy I must first fight for my health.
Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. I want you to know that it matters a lot to me. You matter a lot to me.
My heart is to give you tools for the journey towards health.
I would love for you to join the conversation! In the comments below let me know ways that you have healed from toxic relationships.
Also, if you would be ever so kind. I would love to hear what type of topics you would like to read about. Please put a suggestion of two in the comments!
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Mental Illness doesn’t define your relationship
Connection: The Lifeblood of Relationship
How to Heal Broken Trust
Am I the problem?
Time doesn’t heal all wounds
How to heal from the pain of a toxic relationship
How to tell if your friends are the reason you’re not thriving
How to reclaim your joy
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