How to find healing when the Pain has been with you a long time.

You are here for a reason.

You may have stumbled across this blog by accident. Perhaps you subscribed and received an email from me that caught your attention.

Whatever your reason for being here I know one thing.

You are looking for answers.

You are reading this blog post because you are looking for healing.

So,

Here we are.

With a powerful question.

Does time heal all wounds?

I have heard it said that time heals all wounds.

But

I don’t agree with that sentiment.

Don’t get me wrong. For a good part of my life, I said this statement over and over. I was hoping that this self-imposed mantra would stick. That I would find healing to the pain I had been holding onto for most of my life.

It never did.

In my post, Your friends could be the reason you’re not thriving, I wrote about toxic relationships. I focused on how to discover them.

My follow up post, How do I heal from a toxic relationship,  I focused on the journey towards healing.

Both posts shared some practical tips.

On the one hand, you have to determine if you’re in a toxic relationship. The other hand, you have to learn how to start the healing process.

Then there is the belief that time heals your wounds.

I am going to tell you that it doesn’t.

Rose Kennedy once said, “It has been said that time heals all wounds. I don’t agree. The wounds remain. Time – the mind, protecting its sanity – covers them with some scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it is never gone.”

One of the most toxic relationships in my life was my father.

There are so many stories circulating on what happened. Some say he was a drunk and smoked a lot of weed. Others say he was a liar. Then there is the possibility of abuse being there.

My memory is very spotty.

This I do know is that my father is a toxic person who left me with very deep wounds.

I started believing with time I would heal. It would only take a few years. Then I would heal.

Days became weeks. Weeks back months. Months became years. Years became decades.

34 years later I had not healed. I was worse off than before.

All time does is remove the freshness of the wound. It does not remove the pain of it. #pain… Click To Tweet

You may be reading this because you are experiencing the same thing. You have to fight for your health!

Stop buying the lie that time heals all wounds. It doesn’t. #wakeup #fightforyourhealing Click To Tweet

Start believing that you can fight for your healing.

You need this.

After meeting that side of the family I began to believe the stories.

The only saving grace was an aunt who has a beautiful personality and has tried to bring healing.

Even though my father and I may never rectify our relationship. I still want to find healing.

Here is a thought or two if you are trying to determine if you healed or are still wrestling with the issue.

How to know if you are healed

1. You are easily triggered

34 years went by. I had not heard any word from my father. Then after all these years, I received an email. The email was nasty. It was full of anger, pain, and toxicity. I would even wager that he may have been drunk when he sent it.

34 years had gone by. When I read that email I am faced with 34 years of pain and bitterness. I had no idea where it was all coming from. It started flowing out of my as if a long dormant volcano was erupting.

You better believe I wanted to email him back with every single thing I was thinking. That would have felt good. I wanted blood.

Time didn’t heal that wound.

I went right back to a dark place. 34 years made me forget about how hurt I was. It didn’t heal anything.

We need to figure out if you’re healed.

I encourage you to evaluate what triggers you.

Anger is a masking tool for your pain. #findhealing #findtruth Click To Tweet

Take note of things that causes you to trigger to that place.

The greater the anger the deeper the pain. #truthyoucanuse #awaken #findhealing Click To Tweet

2. You find yourself emotionally attached to the situation.

The next thing I noticed was that I was emotionally attached to the situation.

The email was like a CD on continuous repeat. The same song playing over and over again. I couldn’t help but keep playing the situation over and over in my heart.

My head told me that I was being irrational and stupid, but my heart kept the pain on replay.

I realized that after 34 years I should have been able to engage in the subject, but I wasn’t. Instead of letting it go I was becoming more fired up.

Time deadens the senses, but it doesn’t heal the wounds. #timetoheal #soulcare Click To Tweet

I lost sleep over this.

A realization came to me.

Your level of obsession is an indicator to the level of healing that you need. #gethelp #letitgo Click To Tweet

Take note on this.

We become obsessed with the things that hurt us the most. It dominates our thoughts. The pain controls our emotions. Like that CD on constant repeat we continually replay the issue. 

My journey through my pain led me to this important question.

What does heal wounds?

1. Walking in Forgiveness.

Forgiveness is letting someone out of a debt that you think they owe you

We don’t forgive people because we believe they owe us something.

You may believe someone owes you something. Your thoughts may lead you to believe that people owe you a reason. They may owe you an apology. Possible they owe you money.

Whatever it is we have to let it go.

Withholding forgiveness allows the other person to hold us hostage. #letitgo Click To Tweet

Yes, you read that right.

The toxic person that hurt you still controls you. They own you. Why? Because you are withholding forgiveness.

They aren’t losing sleep, but you are.

It’s time to forgive the person and move on. You don’t have to be a hostage any longer.

Do you have to tell them you forgave them? NO!

Will you need to let them back in your life? NO!

Saying you forgive someone isn’t forgiving them. That only makes you feel better. #freedom Click To Tweet

It is time to do the hard work of walking in forgiveness.

In February, I am devoting the entire month to having better relationships. I am devoting 1 week to learning how to forgive. I hate saying to do something without giving steps.

That is why we are going to work through forgiveness together in February 🙂

2. Find someone to talk to and work through it.

Find a professional. There is nothing wrong with paying a trained professional. Their job is to help you walk through the steps of healing.  I recommend it.

I have seen one and it was very helpful.

But

As faith-based people, we are terrible about this. There is some sort of belief that God doesn’t approve of this or that their faith isn’t as strong if they go to one.

That is so far from the truth.

The Apostle Luke was a doctor. He helped people by giving them the medicine of the day. As a faith-based person (Christian), I believe that God does use doctors.

Don’t be afraid of hiring a counselor.

If you don’t like the idea of a counselor. I do personal coaching and consulting. Contact me and let me know if you’d like to set an appointment.

3. God heals all wounds.

There is value in understanding what God promises us.

When I read through the bible, especially about Jesus, I see healing after healing.

But there is a word I come across

WHOLENESS

The Christian faith has focused so much on physical healing. We have forgotten that God wants us to be whole.

Wholeness may include physical healing, but its focus is on soul healing.

When we say time heals all wounds we are taking God out of the equation.

Time doesn’t heal all wounds, but God uses time to heal all wounds. #timetoheal #soulhealth Click To Tweet

Time doesn’t heal all wounds God does.

He is wanting to bring healing into your life.

It is a process and will take some time, but in the end, you will be whole.

Learning to have joy in your life.

Isn’t that something you want?

I know I do.

Let me give you this final thought:

Some of you may not be faith-based. I use to be where you are. I share my faith in this way because I was once an emotional wreck. My emotions were so jacked up that I was the one who was toxic in my relationships.

Now?

My faith and the steps I share with you in each post has brought me to a place of healing. I am on this journey with you. I am here to support you.

My success comes when I know that you are experiencing success.

I would love for you to join the conversation! In the comments below let me know ways that have helped you heal.

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