Spread the Word!

Time doesn’t heal all wounds

Time doesn't heal all wounds. I know we have thought it did, but it doesn't. All time does it distance us from the pain. Time doesn't heal the pain.

How to find healing when the Pain has been with you a long time.

You are here for a reason.

You may have stumbled across this blog by accident. Perhaps you subscribed and received an email from me that caught your attention.

Whatever your reason for being here I know one thing.

You are looking for answers.

You are reading this blog post because you are looking for healing.

So,

Here we are.

With a powerful question.

Does time heal all wounds?

Time doesn't heal all wounds. I know we have thought it did, but it doesn't. All time does it distance us from the pain. Time doesn't heal the pain.

I have heard it said that time heals all wounds.

But

I don’t agree with that sentiment.

Don’t get me wrong. For a good part of my life, I said this statement over and over. I was hoping that this self-imposed mantra would stick. That I would find healing to the pain I had been holding onto for most of my life.

It never did.

In my post, Your friends could be the reason you’re not thriving, I wrote about toxic relationships. I focused on how to discover them.

My follow up post, How do I heal from a toxic relationship,  I focused on the journey towards healing.

Both posts shared some practical tips.

On the one hand, you have to determine if you’re in a toxic relationship. The other hand, you have to learn how to start the healing process.

Then there is the belief that time heals your wounds.

I am going to tell you that it doesn’t.

Rose Kennedy once said, “It has been said that time heals all wounds. I don’t agree. The wounds remain. Time – the mind, protecting its sanity – covers them with some scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it is never gone.”

One of the most toxic relationships in my life was my father.

There are so many stories circulating on what happened. Some say he was a drunk and smoked a lot of weed. Others say he was a liar. Then there is the possibility of abuse being there.

My memory is very spotty.

This I do know is that my father is a toxic person who left me with very deep wounds.

I started believing with time I would heal. It would only take a few years. Then I would heal.

Days became weeks. Weeks back months. Months became years. Years became decades.

34 years later I had not healed. I was worse off than before.

[bctt tweet=”All time does is remove the freshness of the wound. It does not remove the pain of it. #pain #healing” username=”jim_Burgoon”]

You may be reading this because you are experiencing the same thing. You have to fight for your health!

[bctt tweet=”Stop buying the lie that time heals all wounds. It doesn’t. #wakeup #fightforyourhealing” username=”jim_Burgoon”]

Start believing that you can fight for your healing.

You need this.

After meeting that side of the family I began to believe the stories.

The only saving grace was an aunt who has a beautiful personality and has tried to bring healing.

Even though my father and I may never rectify our relationship. I still want to find healing.

Here is a thought or two if you are trying to determine if you healed or are still wrestling with the issue.

How to know if you are healed

1. You are easily triggered

34 years went by. I had not heard any word from my father. Then after all these years, I received an email. The email was nasty. It was full of anger, pain, and toxicity. I would even wager that he may have been drunk when he sent it.

34 years had gone by. When I read that email I am faced with 34 years of pain and bitterness. I had no idea where it was all coming from. It started flowing out of my as if a long dormant volcano was erupting.

You better believe I wanted to email him back with every single thing I was thinking. That would have felt good. I wanted blood.

Time didn’t heal that wound.

I went right back to a dark place. 34 years made me forget about how hurt I was. It didn’t heal anything.

We need to figure out if you’re healed.

I encourage you to evaluate what triggers you.

[bctt tweet=”Anger is a masking tool for your pain. #findhealing #findtruth” username=”jim_Burgoon”]

Time doesn't heal all wounds. I know we have thought it did, but it doesn't. All time does it distance us from the pain. Time doesn't heal the pain.

Take note of things that causes you to trigger to that place.

[bctt tweet=”The greater the anger the deeper the pain. #truthyoucanuse #awaken #findhealing” username=”jim_Burgoon”]

2. You find yourself emotionally attached to the situation.

The next thing I noticed was that I was emotionally attached to the situation.

The email was like a CD on continuous repeat. The same song playing over and over again. I couldn’t help but keep playing the situation over and over in my heart.

My head told me that I was being irrational and stupid, but my heart kept the pain on replay.

I realized that after 34 years I should have been able to engage in the subject, but I wasn’t. Instead of letting it go I was becoming more fired up.

[bctt tweet=”Time deadens the senses, but it doesn’t heal the wounds. #timetoheal #soulcare” username=”jim_Burgoon”]

I lost sleep over this.

A realization came to me.

[bctt tweet=”Your level of obsession is an indicator to the level of healing that you need. #gethelp #letitgo” username=”jim_Burgoon”]

Take note on this.

We become obsessed with the things that hurt us the most. It dominates our thoughts. The pain controls our emotions. Like that CD on constant repeat we continually replay the issue. 

My journey through my pain led me to this important question.

What does heal wounds?

1. Walking in Forgiveness.

Forgiveness is letting someone out of a debt that you think they owe you

We don’t forgive people because we believe they owe us something.

You may believe someone owes you something. Your thoughts may lead you to believe that people owe you a reason. They may owe you an apology. Possible they owe you money.

Whatever it is we have to let it go.

[bctt tweet=”Withholding forgiveness allows the other person to hold us hostage. #letitgo” username=”jim_Burgoon”]

Yes, you read that right.

The toxic person that hurt you still controls you. They own you. Why? Because you are withholding forgiveness.

They aren’t losing sleep, but you are.

It’s time to forgive the person and move on. You don’t have to be a hostage any longer.

Do you have to tell them you forgave them? NO!

Will you need to let them back in your life? NO!

[bctt tweet=”Saying you forgive someone isn’t forgiving them. That only makes you feel better. #freedom” username=”jim_Burgoon”]

It is time to do the hard work of walking in forgiveness.

In February, I am devoting the entire month to having better relationships. I am devoting 1 week to learning how to forgive. I hate saying to do something without giving steps.

That is why we are going to work through forgiveness together in February 🙂

2. Find someone to talk to and work through it.

Find a professional. There is nothing wrong with paying a trained professional. Their job is to help you walk through the steps of healing.  I recommend it.

I have seen one and it was very helpful.

But

As faith-based people, we are terrible about this. There is some sort of belief that God doesn’t approve of this or that their faith isn’t as strong if they go to one.

That is so far from the truth.

The Apostle Luke was a doctor. He helped people by giving them the medicine of the day. As a faith-based person (Christian), I believe that God does use doctors.

Don’t be afraid of hiring a counselor.

If you don’t like the idea of a counselor. I do personal coaching and consulting. Contact me and let me know if you’d like to set an appointment.

3. God heals all wounds.

There is value in understanding what God promises us.

When I read through the bible, especially about Jesus, I see healing after healing.

But there is a word I come across

WHOLENESS

The Christian faith has focused so much on physical healing. We have forgotten that God wants us to be whole.

Wholeness may include physical healing, but its focus is on soul healing.

Time doesn't heal all wounds. I know we have thought it did, but it doesn't. All time does it distance us from the pain. Time doesn't heal the pain.

When we say time heals all wounds we are taking God out of the equation.

[bctt tweet=”Time doesn’t heal all wounds, but God uses time to heal all wounds. #timetoheal #soulhealth” username=”jim_Burgoon”]

Time doesn’t heal all wounds God does.

He is wanting to bring healing into your life.

It is a process and will take some time, but in the end, you will be whole.

Learning to have joy in your life.

Isn’t that something you want?

I know I do.

Let me give you this final thought:

Some of you may not be faith-based. I use to be where you are. I share my faith in this way because I was once an emotional wreck. My emotions were so jacked up that I was the one who was toxic in my relationships.

Now?

My faith and the steps I share with you in each post has brought me to a place of healing. I am on this journey with you. I am here to support you.

My success comes when I know that you are experiencing success.

I would love for you to join the conversation! In the comments below let me know ways that have helped you heal.

Subscribe and get the new content, future contests, and my new e-books right to your email!!

[mailerlite_form form_id=2]

About the Author Jim

  • This speak so deeply into my own life and my relationships with both my parents, and the things that I went through as a child. I have a friend with a similar past as well, one who only recently found the strength to really commit to serious therapy – I’m going to share this with them.

  • Crystal Gard says:

    I learned many times over that Time really does not heal all

    • Jim says:

      Personally, I don’t think time heals at all. It distances us from the pain, but it doesn’t take care of the root problem. That is where we MUST focus on our emotional healing. Working through forgiveness can do wonders for the pain. Thank you for joining the conversation!

  • Tina says:

    So happy with this different take on time heals all wounds because I’m not sure I believe that as well. It seems as though time just makes you forget the bad things but once you remember I don’t think it hurts less. Personally, when I’m reminded of the bad things I remember how it’s so silly to be upset and that God will help me through it.

    • Jim says:

      You are so right, time makes you forget. The greater the distance between your wounds and your present time the more likely you won’t remember the pain. Then when you are reminded of the wound all the pain floods back in. It is a vicious cycle. I think it just easier to start the healing process instead of fighting the battle of time. Thank you for joining the conversation!

  • Gillian Kent says:

    My baby sister dies just before my seventh birthday. I have long understood that that would become scars and will always be with you. You can choose how you will react to thee scar when it makes itself know. I choose to remember the joy she brought.

    • Jim says:

      Thank you for joining the conversation. I deeply appreciate your transparency here. It isn’t easy when having to navigate through a loss. I love the perspective you have taken in this. Check out another article I did: https://www.jimburgoon.org/joy It is about learning to recapture your joy after loss hits. Know that I will send a prayer up for you and your journey! Blessings!

  • Lauren says:

    Your posts are really enlightening and I’ve Ben enjoying the series. You’re very right about wounds healing. Forgiveness is a major part of it.

    • Jim says:

      This week I am going to pivot. I want to focus the last part of this series on the possiblity of us being toxic. We spend so much time focusing on others that we forget we can be the problem. Then in February I am going into another series 😀 Thank you so much for your kind words!

  • Natasha Botkin says:

    As someone who has lived with deep trauma wounds; there is a healing in the forgiveness not of the person, but of yourself for being taught in the situation. Divine timing is always on time even if the ego says that it is not. xoxo

    • Jim says:

      Thank you for joining the conversation and being so open! I really appreciate your word. I will be praying for your journey!

    • Jim says:

      Thank you for joining the conversation and being so open! I really appreciate your words. I will be praying for your journey!

  • Mal says:

    It doesn’t heal the wounds, but it sure does make them feel less painful.

    • Jim says:

      Even thought we feel the pain less that doesn’t mean we are infleunced by it less. The pain that isn’t healed is a pain that will subconsciously guide our decisions. So intead of feeling the pain we will experience it in other ways. Thank you for joining the conversation!

  • Rebekah says:

    Thank you for the advice. This is definitely something I’m going to take on board in the future.

  • nouman khan says:

    I must say, this sentence is most motivational sentence I found in your article,
    “It is a process and will take some time, but in the end, you will be whole”

    • Jim says:

      I agree! My whole heart is to find wholeness and help others find it as well! Thanks for taking the time to check the post out. Thank you for joining the conversation!

  • Maia says:

    you are so right!
    most wounds never heal !
    marablog.wixsite.com/bookofdreams

    • Jim says:

      The reason that most wounds do not heal is because we don’t do the hard things to find healing. Often times, we sit on our pain and just hold onto it. That isn’t how we were meant to live! We were meant to thrive. May you find the path of healing! Thank you for joining the conversation.

  • I have always said time heals all wounds. I like the thought of God or a higher power assisting with time.

    Does your e-book hint on this too?

    • Jim says:

      I am working on an e-book that will be specific about this topic! Should be out in a few weeks. Thank you for joining the conversaiton.

  • >