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Now you can win the most important fight of your life

We are plagued with insecurities. How you became insecure isn't as important as what you are going to do with these insecurities.

I have a problem. It has been a problem that I have been dealing with most of my life. This problem has limited my potential. It has caused me to run from problems. I have this feeling of emptiness deep inside.

My problem is not an uncommon one. As a matter of fact, you are dealing with it right now.

The problem that we are dealing with is an internal problem. No one will be able to see it right away. You could pass it off as if “Nothing is Wrong.”

Even though we have convinced everyone as if nothing were wrong we know the truth. This internal monster is eating us from the inside out.

We are plagued with insecurities. How you became insecure isn't as important as what you are going to do with these insecurities.

As I write this to you, I am sitting here struggling with this monster. Struggling with thoughts of people not finding value in what I am producing. My heart sinks as I wonder if anyone even cares about what I am writing.

That is not a statement to get you to comfort me, but one to show you my own struggle.

It is a struggle. A powerful struggle with my brokenness. A fight that I engage in every day.

If I am to put a name to this monster I would call it insecurity.

Insecurity is as having uncertainty or anxiety about oneself. That you have a lack of confidence. (dictionary.com)

Does that fit you?

Did that just define the way you live?

Right now you are struggling with anxiety. You are struggling with a lack of confidence or you may be feeling uncertain about yourself.

Every bit of that struggle links back to the intense battle that we fight with our insecurity.

Growing up I wanted to be a superhero because I believed that they were so confident and strong. It did not seem as if they suffered from a lack of confidence.

The lines were clear. Someone was in trouble and the superhero came to the rescue. 

There was no second guessing. I did not find anywhere in the comics where they lived in extreme doubt. They were so powerful. It was enticing. I wanted to be like them.

Then I look at my life and I realize that I am not a superhero.

I am someone who struggles with deep insecurities.

That is why I wanted to be Superman. 

Heck, I would have even taken being like Batman.
It is so much easier to wish that you were a superhero than to face our insecurities.

Growing up was a challenge for me. I am sure it was a challenge for you as well. What we considered dysfunctional yesterday is normal today.

In an earlier time, single parent homes were rare. Now, it is normal to live in a home that has experienced divorce. It is normal to have a family where one of the parents just walked out on their family.

This is one of the reasons I believe we are seeing a generation coming of age with intense insecurities. It is why I believe those of us, who are older, are fighting to find some semblance of confidence in who we are.

The messages we hear throughout our lives are generally negative. 

We faced abandonment, rejection, failure, perfectionism,  and feelings of worthlessness.

The pain and lack of healing have caused us to feel intense insecurities. Those insecurities affect us every day of our lives. The insecurities that we fight effects every relationship that we are in.

I had a father who walked out on my life when I was 4 years old. The message communicated to me was a painful one. When he walked out his actions stated that I was not good enough to be loved. It was easier to just walk away instead of working through the issues.

That created an abandonment issue in my life. Fast forward that some years later. You will have seen a young man feeling the intense anxiety that everyone he cared about would leave him.

One simple uncaring action led to a lifetime of insecurity. 

Maybe you had someone walk out on you. Was it divorce? Did your father leave you at a young age?

There are way too many messages being communicated. 

You’re stupid.

You’re unattractive.

You’re not like other people.

You’re a failure.

You never get anything right.

No one will ever love you.

You’re fat.

You’re such a loser.

You’ll never make friends.

You’ll never be able to quit drinking (smoking etc).

You’ll never amount to anything.

What’s the point in even trying?

You will never amount to anything.

These messages are on replay in our head.  Trying to convince us that we will never amount to anything. They scream at us saying, “You will never have victory in your life.”

[bctt tweet=”Insecurities that are not dealt with are insecurities that will limit your potential. ” username=”jim_Burgoon”]

I have learned a few tips along the way. I want to share 3 with you now and more in future blog posts! 🙂

3 things you must realize to help fight against insecurity

1. Don’t Internalize Other People’s Issues

My dad walked out on me. I did not walk out on him. I was 4 years old, but the principle stays the same. I did not leave him. He left me. There is a huge distinction.

My dad had a lot of pain. From what I hear, he was a drinker who dabbled in drug use. He had a father who abused him. He is trapped in a vicious cycle of never being good enough.

[bctt tweet=”Remember: Hurting people hurt people. #painful #gethelp ” username=”jim_Burgoon”]

His nature was to hurt people. It does not matter if he meant it or not. He was, and still is, extremely damaged. From my understanding, he has never sought professional help. I don’t think he believes in Jesus (But I could be wrong). All this tells me that he is ready to explode.

His explosion does not mean that I have to internalize his problems. 

I refuse to bring into my heart the deep rooted issues and pain of someone else.

It does not mean I don’t love him. It means I am not going to follow the path of pain.

Instead of hurting I want to love.

[bctt tweet=”Loved people love people. #love #Jesus #healed” username=”jim_Burgoon”]

when I refuse to internalize another person’s issues I can live free. I can live healthy.  Being healthy means that I can leverage my life to help those who are hurting and cannot find health.

2.   People will project their insecurities onto you, don’t let them

People will push you away. Why? Because they are afraid you’ll leave them. People will yell and scream at you. Why? Because they are afraid of being hurt again.

Just because one person acts that way does not mean you have to.

You have a choice. To respond or react. To respond means I am going to take what they say and I am going to give them a thoughtful word or action. To react means I am going to give them what they gave me.

Although the latter feels better it is healthier to go with the first choice.

When someone is projecting their insecurity, pain, and deep rooted issues on you. It is not because they want to. It is because they are scared of you and how you could change their lives.

My wife was abandoned. She tried to push me away. I would not let her. 17 years later we are still together.

[bctt tweet=”Don’t allow people to push you away with their pain. Push back with your love. ” username=”jim_Burgoon”]

3.   Have a strong and growing relationship with Jesus

I can do a series of blogs for the rest of my life on this one. So here is what I will say to you:

Jesus promises to help us move to wholeness and healing in our lives.

Take the promise.

Apply the promise.

Learn that Jesus is the answer to all the pain we face.

People left you. Jesus said he never would. People rejected you. They rejected Jesus. Jesus said he would never reject you. You have to pur your trust in Him.

The list goes on…

Today, I write to you, not as someone who has mastered my insecurities. I write to you as someone on a journey to healing.  I am someone who desires to be the healthiest version of me so that I can help others find their way.

Let me ask you a question:

What type of insecurities have you faced? How did you deal with them?

Share and help someone through their challenges!

About the Author Jim

  • Michelle says:

    This hit home. I need to reas it a few more times.
    I have been holding myself back for so long!
    Thank you for your willingness to open up

    Ps. Batman will always out rank Superman.

    • Jim says:

      Thank you for joining the conversation! It is time to break free Michelle. Do no allow yourself to live an unhealthy life. Fight for it. P.S. I think you may be right. In the comics Bats beat Sups several times 😉

  • Milica Momcilovoc says:

    Such a nice post! I can definitely relate to this.

  • Elizabeth O. says:

    We all go through a phase like this at some point and we have different ways of dealing with them. Others would find it more difficult to get over their insecurities. I had to learn not to care the hard way. After dealing with insecurities while growing up, I decided that it’s all about my perspective. Having a positive mindset sure helped, but that’s not the case for everyone.

    • Jim says:

      What a wonderful insite! I believe that with a proper perspective, a lot of prayer, and an attitude of victory that we can heal from the things that have held us back!!! Thank you for joining the conversation!

  • Tyler says:

    I’m definitely feeling this post. It’s super inspirational. Thanks!

    xoxo
    Tyler

    http://www.feeltheesunlight.com/

    • Jim says:

      Thank you for your kind words!!! I hope you had some time to check out some of the other things happening on this site 🙂

  • Rosey says:

    Seriously, everyone seems to be getting divorced today. When my son was in kindergarten, they assumed his dad was his step-dad. I was mortified. I’d been married many, many years at that time. Then my husband wanted out…and now we ARE the statistic. I hate it. I worry. I can’t be a mom and dad. I can’t fill that hole.

    • Jim says:

      I grew up in a home that could easily be classified as a statistic. I had a decision to make. Live under the weight of being part of an existing statistic or create a new one. I decided to follow the latter. I wanted to be one of the people who made it. The statistic no one talks about. I believe you can be that as well. The person who defied all the odds by living victorious!

  • Jenni Petrey says:

    This is a great post. I have only started looking closely at my own anxiety this year. You’ve listed some great points that at times it is hard to remember.

    • Jim says:

      Our anxiety can really take the wind out of our sails! It is one of the reasons we need to continually fight for our health! Thank you for joining the conversation.

  • Jill Conyers says:

    My daughter and I were just talking about insecurities at dinner tonight. Ironic.

  • Great advice and I could really use it right now Thank for this amazing post!

    • Jim says:

      You are welcome! I love being able to share my challenges and how I am working through them. I pray it helps you on your journey!

  • Kimberly C. says:

    I love this post, so glad I came across it. I completely agree with #3. I think we naturally emphasize too much what other people think of us because we’re seeking acceptance and approval. We always think we don’t measure up, get jealous…jealousy turns to anger, anger turns to hate and hate turns into fear….. This is where faith comes in for me and always reminding myself that HE is the only one that matters and that nobody can judge you. God doesn’t make mistakes. We are all perfect in his eyes.

    • Jim says:

      I love your response!! Your words ring with a lot of truth! I agree with you when we start falling into the pattern of issues we must learn into him! Thank you for the comment! I hope we can engage on future posts!

  • Jojo Vito says:

    These are great tips on how to win over insecurities. true , we need to have a good relationship with Jesus, because in him we are truly victorious 🙂

    • Jim says:

      Thank you! Fighitng insecurities are so tough! I plan to win the battle thought! Everyday I am pushing more and more towards health!

  • Momina Arif says:

    What an inspiring blog post. I completely agree that people project their own negativity on to you. I guess its a lot harder for people to be kind than to be cruel. A valuable lesson though.

    • Jim says:

      So true! I find that hurting people hurt people. It is not like they mean it, but when you live out of your hurt it is natural to project that on others. I also find the opposite to be true. Loved people love people. That is why it is soooo important to work on our emotional healing. Thanks for joing the conversation!

  • Chelsea says:

    Thank you for writing such a relatable post!

  • I agree to put trust in Jesus on His promised! Wishing the best towards your journey to healing.

  • When Insecurities Come My Way My Faith Grows. Dealing With Them Daily, I Find A Way To Keep A Strong And Tunneled View On Things. A Strong Mind Can Not Be Broken. So, I Try To Keep My Thoughts Right Even When Insecurities Try To Ignite In Me.

    I’m Not Going To Make? My Work Isn’t Good? Only My Family Reads My Post?

    Yeah Right, I’m Great. I Do This! I’m That Guy! God Didn’t Write My Story To Not Succeed At This Life. I Know He Has A Bigger Picture……

    Jim, The Article Was Great Man. You Really Put Your Heart In It And I Feel It. I Feeling Where You’re Coming Fron In This And It’s Moving. Deal With Insecurities Could Be The Difference Between Someone Being Mediocre or Great At Their Craft. You Have Them Figured Out. It’s Only A Matter Of Time Before The Snowball Catches Wind And Starts To Roll From That Mountain Side. Then You Will Be On Your Way, Only Growing Until You Burst Your Way Through Those Closed Doors. Making Your Presence Felt To All, You Will Succeed!

    Keep Up The Good Work Jim. I Can’t Wait To See What Our Future Holds Together In This Industry. Let’s Make Big Things Happen!

    K.Robinson|4B

  • Ashley says:

    I like no.2 and no.3. For a long time, I was on the receiving end of people’s insecurities and I always thought I was the problem. now I know better. Thanks for this.

    xo

    • Jim says:

      I am glad that this article was able to help you! I pray that you continue your growth and find that you are powerful in your own right!

  • Gina Monticello Coulter says:

    Great article! God bless you and your journey as you help others.

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