I have a problem. It has been a problem that I have been dealing with most of my life. This problem has limited my potential. It has caused me to run from problems. I have this feeling of emptiness deep inside.
My problem is not an uncommon one. As a matter of fact, you are dealing with it right now.
The problem that we are dealing with is an internal problem. No one will be able to see it right away. You could pass it off as if “Nothing is Wrong.”
Even though we have convinced everyone as if nothing were wrong we know the truth. This internal monster is eating us from the inside out.
As I write this to you, I am sitting here struggling with this monster. Struggling with thoughts of people not finding value in what I am producing. My heart sinks as I wonder if anyone even cares about what I am writing.
That is not a statement to get you to comfort me, but one to show you my own struggle.
It is a struggle. A powerful struggle with my brokenness. A fight that I engage in every day.
If I am to put a name to this monster I would call it insecurity.
Insecurity is as having uncertainty or anxiety about oneself. That you have a lack of confidence. (dictionary.com)
Does that fit you?
Did that just define the way you live?
Right now you are struggling with anxiety. You are struggling with a lack of confidence or you may be feeling uncertain about yourself.
Every bit of that struggle links back to the intense battle that we fight with our insecurity.
Growing up I wanted to be a superhero because I believed that they were so confident and strong. It did not seem as if they suffered from a lack of confidence.
The lines were clear. Someone was in trouble and the superhero came to the rescue.
There was no second guessing. I did not find anywhere in the comics where they lived in extreme doubt. They were so powerful. It was enticing. I wanted to be like them.
Then I look at my life and I realize that I am not a superhero.
I am someone who struggles with deep insecurities.
That is why I wanted to be Superman.
Heck, I would have even taken being like Batman.
Growing up was a challenge for me. I am sure it was a challenge for you as well. What we considered dysfunctional yesterday is normal today.
In an earlier time, single parent homes were rare. Now, it is normal to live in a home that has experienced divorce. It is normal to have a family where one of the parents just walked out on their family.
This is one of the reasons I believe we are seeing a generation coming of age with intense insecurities. It is why I believe those of us, who are older, are fighting to find some semblance of confidence in who we are.
The messages we hear throughout our lives are generally negative.
We faced abandonment, rejection, failure, perfectionism, and feelings of worthlessness.
The pain and lack of healing have caused us to feel intense insecurities. Those insecurities affect us every day of our lives. The insecurities that we fight effects every relationship that we are in.
I had a father who walked out on my life when I was 4 years old. The message communicated to me was a painful one. When he walked out his actions stated that I was not good enough to be loved. It was easier to just walk away instead of working through the issues.
That created an abandonment issue in my life. Fast forward that some years later. You will have seen a young man feeling the intense anxiety that everyone he cared about would leave him.
One simple uncaring action led to a lifetime of insecurity.
Maybe you had someone walk out on you. Was it divorce? Did your father leave you at a young age?
There are way too many messages being communicated.
You’re not like other people.
You’re a failure.
You never get anything right.
No one will ever love you.
You’re such a loser.
You’ll never make friends.
You’ll never be able to quit drinking (smoking etc).
You’ll never amount to anything.
What’s the point in even trying?
You will never amount to anything.
These messages are on replay in our head. Trying to convince us that we will never amount to anything. They scream at us saying, “You will never have victory in your life.”Insecurities that are not dealt with are insecurities that will limit your potential. Click To Tweet
I have learned a few tips along the way. I want to share 3 with you now and more in future blog posts! 🙂
3 things you must realize to help fight against insecurity
1. Don’t Internalize Other People’s Issues
My dad walked out on me. I did not walk out on him. I was 4 years old, but the principle stays the same. I did not leave him. He left me. There is a huge distinction.
My dad had a lot of pain. From what I hear, he was a drinker who dabbled in drug use. He had a father who abused him. He is trapped in a vicious cycle of never being good enough.Remember: Hurting people hurt people. #painful #gethelp Click To Tweet
His nature was to hurt people. It does not matter if he meant it or not. He was, and still is, extremely damaged. From my understanding, he has never sought professional help. I don’t think he believes in Jesus (But I could be wrong). All this tells me that he is ready to explode.
His explosion does not mean that I have to internalize his problems.
I refuse to bring into my heart the deep rooted issues and pain of someone else.
It does not mean I don’t love him. It means I am not going to follow the path of pain.
Instead of hurting I want to love.Loved people love people. #love #Jesus #healed Click To Tweet
when I refuse to internalize another person’s issues I can live free. I can live healthy. Being healthy means that I can leverage my life to help those who are hurting and cannot find health.
2. People will project their insecurities onto you, don’t let them
People will push you away. Why? Because they are afraid you’ll leave them. People will yell and scream at you. Why? Because they are afraid of being hurt again.
Just because one person acts that way does not mean you have to.
You have a choice. To respond or react. To respond means I am going to take what they say and I am going to give them a thoughtful word or action. To react means I am going to give them what they gave me.
Although the latter feels better it is healthier to go with the first choice.
When someone is projecting their insecurity, pain, and deep rooted issues on you. It is not because they want to. It is because they are scared of you and how you could change their lives.
My wife was abandoned. She tried to push me away. I would not let her. 17 years later we are still together.Don’t allow people to push you away with their pain. Push back with your love. Click To Tweet
3. Have a strong and growing relationship with Jesus
I can do a series of blogs for the rest of my life on this one. So here is what I will say to you:
Jesus promises to help us move to wholeness and healing in our lives.
Take the promise.
Apply the promise.
Learn that Jesus is the answer to all the pain we face.
People left you. Jesus said he never would. People rejected you. They rejected Jesus. Jesus said he would never reject you. You have to pur your trust in Him.
The list goes on…
Today, I write to you, not as someone who has mastered my insecurities. I write to you as someone on a journey to healing. I am someone who desires to be the healthiest version of me so that I can help others find their way.
Let me ask you a question:
What type of insecurities have you faced? How did you deal with them?
Share and help someone through their challenges!