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Connection: The Lifeblood of Relationship

Life is about connection. Good or bad if you connect to it you have a relationship with it. The stronger the connection the greater the relationship.
Life boils down to a series of connections.
 
How we connect to our family and friends.
 
The connection we have to our past, problems, and pain.
 
Think about this,
 
your life will improve or worsen based on the strength of your connections.
 
Some connections you will want to strengthen.
 
Like our connection to people.
 
That needs strengthening.
 
So,
 
How are the connections in your life?
 
Life is about connection. Good or bad if you connect to it you have a relationship with it. The stronger the connection the greater the relationship.
 
Over the years something has become very evident to me.
[bctt tweet=”The human soul needs to connect to another soul. #connecttoday #lifeblood #needit” username=”jim_Burgoon”] 
Without it,
we are lonely and empty devoid of feelings of love.

It hurts when we are not connected to someone we care about. I don’t know about you, but I die a little on the inside every time I am disconnected from the people I love.

There was a study done in 1944 about the need for connection and nurturing for the human soul.
 
The experiment involved 40 newborn infants. The experiment tried to determine if people could thrive without connection and nurturing. 20 newborns, placed in a special facility, had their basic needs met. The only interaction the babies had was to change their diapers and clothes and to feed them. That was all that happened. There was no conversation. There was no physical connection. They were not even allowed to look at them in the eyes.

They were being raised without human connection.

The environment was sterile and clean. The babies seemed to be in good physical health. The experiment stopped after 4 months.
 
At that time 10 babies had died. They rescued the other 10 babies. Adopted into a natural family environment. At least 2 more of them died. There was no “cause” for their deaths. They were in good physical health.
 
Before each infant died there was a period when they would stop interacting. They would stop verbalizing and trying to engage with their caregivers. A short time later, they would stop moving altogether. The babies would not cry and their expressions stayed the same. When the infants exhibited this behavior death would follow.
 
This is an atrocity. It is evil. To even think about putting these babies through this.
 
It did show something important.
 
[bctt tweet=”People cannot live without a connection to another person. #connectionislife #connecttoday” username=”jim_Burgoon”]
 
In comparison, the 20 babies who raised under “normal” conditions thrived. There were no deaths reported.

The human race cannot survive without connecting to one another.

Connection creates conversation.

Conversation Creates intimacy.

A relationship needs intimacy.

Thus,
 
[bctt tweet=”A relationship devoid of intimacy is a dead relationship. #bringnewlife #revivethroughconnecting” username=”jim_Burgoon”]
 
It is dead because there is no connection.
Connection is the lifeblood of our relationships.
 Without it, our relationships will wither and die.
 
The Bottom Line:

We crave connection.

Life is about connection. Good or bad if you connect to it you have a relationship with it. The stronger the connection the greater the relationship.

Look at the number of affairs that are happening.
 
Why do you think that they happen?
 Reason: People don’t feel connected to their partner so they find someone they can connect to.
Ignoring connection in our relationships and neglecting our partners sends a statement.
 
We are saying, “I don’t value you enough to make time to connect with you.”
 
What do you think will happen if the neglect continues?
 
You will find someone else to connect with. Someone who will make you feel valued.

People crave connection.

If we won’t give it to them they will find it elsewhere.
 
When you or I experience disconnection we will try to look for it in other places. 
 
A relationship devoid of connection is a relationship that is devoid of life.
 
There is no getting around it.

The lifeblood of relationships is connection.

When I am disconnected from my wife I begin feeling empty, lonely, frustrated, and even angry.
 
The longer I am disconnected the greater these feelings.
 
If I go a long time without connecting with my wife then I am in danger of moving from disconnected to unconnected.
 
When I am UNCONNECTED then there is no relationship. We are two people living under the same roof. It feels closer to roommates than lovers.
 
Once I get to the unconnected stage the next step is moving to the divorce stage.
 
You cannot have relationship without connection.
 
It is as important as the very air you are breathing.
 
I can say the same thing about my relationship with Jesus. When I am disconnected from the source of my life I will experience a plethora of emotions. Emotions ranging from anger to loneliness. There may be even feelings of abandonment because we tend to blame God when we disconnect.

When we disconnect from Jesus we become distant.

If we do not take care of the distant feelings they will lead us from disconnected to unconnected.

Feeling unconnected will cause us to walk away from God.

In reality, any relationships that we disconnect from will make us feel distant. Distance breads feelings of emptiness and loneliness. These feelings will push us towards living unconnected. When we live in a relationship that is unconnected we are one step from walking away from it.

Think about the relationships that you admire the most.

What makes them great?

Answer: The depth of their connection

[bctt tweet=”The deeper the connection the greater the relationship. #connectdeep #gofromgoodtogreat” username=”jim_Burgoon”]
Life is about connection. Good or bad if you connect to it you have a relationship with it. The stronger the connection the greater the relationship.
 
Benefits of Connecting:

1. I am valued by someone.

If you have ever said, “You don’t love me” what you meant was that you feel that you are not valued. You do not feel valued because you do not feel connected.

2. I know that the person listens to me.

Not only do they listen to me, but I know that they hear and understand what I am trying to communicate.

3. Most Important: I have a sense of belonging.

There is a correlation between disconnection and having a sense of not belonging.
 
Meaning: If you are not connected you don’t feel like you belong.
 
So,
 
When I am connected I develop a sense of belonging.
 
Truth:
 
We need to feel like we belong.
 
Connection is the best way to develop that sense of belonging.
 
As I wind down this post. I want to leave you with a few quick steps to increase your ability to connect.

1. Take time to Listen

[bctt tweet=”The number 1 way to connect with anyone is learning to listen to them. #listenandhear ” username=”jim_Burgoon”]
 
It is the greatest feeling in world when I know someone is listening to me. That means they not only hear the words coming from my mouth, but they are hearing the words from my heart.
 
To do this we will have to become ACTIVE LISTENERS.
 
Active listening requires the listener to concentrate on the speaker. This type of listening requires us to listen to understand. Active listening also says that we should ask clarifying questions.

2. Engage in the conversation

In my life, I have noticed that one of the greatest ways to connect is to engage in the conversation.

Engaging goes hand in hand with active listening.

[bctt tweet=”One of the hardest things we can do is learning to speak with a person and not at a person.” username=”jim_Burgoon”]
 
I have seen it over and over.
 
Here is a truth (I am not sure who said it first):

People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.

How do they know that you care?
 
Because you have spent time listening to them. You have spent time engaging them.
 
When they know you care they will open up to having beautiful conversations.

What does an engaging conversation look like?

It’s all about hosting the conversation

 a. Be present in the conversation.

The conversation inside of yourself can be distracting. Instead of being present in the conversation you focus on the internal conversation. This will kill your engagement.
 
Also,
 
You will never be present if you are always playing on your phone. Put down the electronics, look people in the eyes, and start great conversations.

b. Creating talking points through asking questions.

Asking questions helps guide the conversation. You don’t know how powerful questions can be until you learn to ask them.

The greatest conversational engagement stems from well-placed questions.

Learning to ask great questions is an art form as well as a science.

c. Learn to ask open-ended questions.

An open-ended question is a question that doesn’t end in a one-word answer. An open-ended question allows the person to engage in meaningful conversation.
Close-ended question: Are you feeling better today?
Open-ended question: What is your favorite memory from childhood?
[bctt tweet=”The greater amount of engagement the greater amount of connection. #engage #connect” username=”jim_Burgoon”]
 
It is time to reevaluate the strength of our relationships. If they are not strong enough then let’s commit to strengthen them.
 
How do we strengthen our relationships?
 
We strengthen them by connecting on deeper levels.
 
The decisions is yours.
 
Here is what I want you to do next.

1. Subscribe to this blog.

It would be an honor to continue this journey with you.
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2. Enter the contest

I am giving away 2 copies of The 5 Love Languages. What an awesome opportunity to increase your engagement. You can join here: https://gleam.io/VAKGY/win-a-copy-of-the-5-love-languages

3. Comment below

It would love to have you join the conversation. I love hearing different perspectives, tips I did not cover, and how I can add more value to you. I reply to every comment 🙂

About the Author Jim

  • Angela says:

    I truly believe in the connections we make as well as maintaining them. Such a lovely post and it definitely hit a soft spot for me.

  • This is an absolutely wonderful post. I really enjoyed reading it.

  • Garf says:

    This is definitely an interesting read. It is well put. It is hard to get a connection when you try to talk to someone that keeps looking at something else.

  • Rhonda Swan says:

    Great info here. Thanks for helping us to have an unstoppable relationship!

  • Michelle says:

    Beautifully written. It rings true, to me. I feel saddened and almost embarrassed when talking to someone that keeps looking at their phone.
    We feel awful when we are alone too long.

    • Jim says:

      It may be time to set some boundaries. Sadly, there was a time when my wife had to train me not to be distracted when I speak with her! After all this time she is the 1 person I give 100% of my focus to!

  • What a great reminder! I use this post to think and reflect the meaning of connection. I hear you that people crave to connect. It’s embodied in our mind and body to connect with another fellow being. I agree that it’s important to have a conversation to be connected.

  • Robin Rue says:

    It is so true that people crave to have connections. I try and strengthen the small connections that I do have.

  • This is a great reminder. We cannot take our relationships for granted!

    http://www.lovekimber.com/

  • I think the purpose in life is to create connections all around the world. It is amazing to look back over time and see where you connected with someone and how deep the connection is.

  • Bora says:

    What an incredibly cruel experiment. Even the babies that survived were traumatized by this experience for life. Yet interesting to see how some people need so much less social contact than others.

    • Jim says:

      It was a crazy read. It is amazing how people can have the capcity for beauty and for evil. Yet, it does prove a point. We are thrive on connection! Without it we have no real chance of survival.

  • Catvills says:

    great article. i love reading post like this. im a jolly person and easy to approach, i am hoping new people around me to be the same!

    • Jim says:

      I love how you mentioned that you are jolly. That makes me smile just reading it. Being jolly is key to a living a full life!

  • Katja says:

    “A dream you dream alone is only a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.” We need connections in our lives, to partners, friends, colleagues… this makes our human experience infinitely better.
    Katja xxx
    http://www.katnapped.com

  • That is very well said. We live through connections and relationships and there’s never a single moment wherein we’re not connected to each other. Be it family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, and so on. Connections allow us to grow as individuals and no matter how alone we feel we are still connected to others.

  • Vaishnavi says:

    Oh so true. Manis called a social being for a reason. We need to be connected to thrive. Meaningful relationships are not an option but a necessity for humanity to survive.

    • Jim says:

      I really like the way you put this. You are very right. We are created for relationship. That is the fullness of our lives. To seek and engage in relationship with one another. Thank you for sharing!

  • Emma says:

    What a horrific study! But it does go to show how important social interaction is with other people. I work from home and I know that on the days when I don’t see other people I can get very claustrophobic and I feel like my energy is much lower than on days when I get to interact with others.

    • Jim says:

      I hated to read and write about that study. I am not sure where it was done. I came across it on a physcology college website. It was terrible to read. I think you are right. We need conenction. Life can be dull and suffocating without it.

  • Ruth says:

    Who carried out that experiment in Babies? And who gave them permission? Where did this happen? That is horrific.

  • This is one of the most thorough posts I have read lately, and it makes you think. Yes, connection is important, but what about those moments when we feel we don’t have anything else to give? Are we then considered to be disconnecting from people or simply choosing not to connect with particular people and/or at a particular time?

    • Jim says:

      What a great question! I think that more context would be needed to truly understand your situation. What I can say is that relationships should be life giving and not life draining. If your relationship is draining you then something is out of balance. Connection means that I am connecting with someone that is connect back with me. From the sounds of it you may be dealing with a relationship that is out of balance in that area. Without more context I don’t want to go into anything more. I would love to further the conversation.

  • Alaina Bullock says:

    Although I am not a super social person, I still rely heavily on my connections. Especially now that I blog. It can be very isolating career choice, which makes those connections even more important!

    • Jim says:

      Yes! As a fellow blogger I NEED to be in constant connection with people. You don’t have to be a super social person, but you do need to be connected! Thank you for sharing.

  • People are relational beings. That is why a good community is so important.

  • G&D Blog says:

    Oh my…this is cool to read. I love all these thoughts of yours and I can say that I can relate. Connection is really important to a relationship. And with my status with my hubby right now, ugh..i can say its hard, especially when we decided to jump into this blogging world. We’re like overwhelmed with this, we just wanna share our stories. But whenever I work on my computer, Im usually paranoid with what my husband is thinking when i feel like im in front of my pc already for awhile. Yet, its just me who’s thinking that. LOL!

    I still make sure that Im making connection with him every now and then. Like today, i cooked shrimp stew for him since its our rest day from work together.

    great post. 🙂

    • Jim says:

      Thank you for your kind words! I love your response. I think sharing your stories is the only way of knowing one another. So keep sharing! Also, I find that we are our greatest critics. Connecting to your husband on deeper levels will help with your thoughts. Blessings!

  • Amber Myers says:

    I love this. I always try to have connections with people. Granted, I am an introvert, but when I’m with someone else I make sure to listen and contribute to the conversation.

    • Jim says:

      I think introverts can connect just as well as extroverts. You guys have this ability to listen that is amazing. Continue being you and connect in your way!

  • deb says:

    I completely agree. I cannot live a life in vacuum!

    • Jim says:

      Yes! We cannot live life that way. We were meant to enjoy it in the company of others. Thank you for joining the conversation.

  • Diane Haenning says:

    It is said that even newborn babies should be read to or sung to while the mother is holding them because it develops an even more closeness between them. I also see that so many really young people have smart phones or their own computers and spend so much time on them rather than interacting with other kids or their family. At some point they lose the ability to know how to communicate with others.
    We need to teach our kids at a young age about staying connected to people personally and not through their technical devices.

    • Jim says:

      I so agree with you! When we spend more time on our electronics talking to people instead of in front of them connecting to them we could lose out ability to connect! Thank you for joining the conversaiton!

  • Kerry says:

    Our family blog supports individuals with autism and their families. Developing successful relationships is so key for all of us, yet it escapes so many who are on the spectrum. We’re working hard to share practical ideas to strengthen those relationships. Thanks for your advice here as well.

  • Basim says:

    it was very helpful. those steps you mentioned above will solve many people problems. i think , if we follow these steps, we will become better.

    • Jim says:

      I think topics should have practical next steps. If we don’t know what to do next then what is the point of reading the post 😀 … Thank you for joining the conversation and I pray that you find deep connection.

  • Thecla says:

    Thank you for your post! Showing love and care to others is so important, I totally agree!

  • It is so true, I feel lost if I don’t connect with someone and blogging can make you quite isolated. It is important to always reach out to people!

    • Jim says:

      Thank you for saying that! It is very important to reach out to people. We need people in our lives to connect with. It is a very important part of what makes our live special.

  • Gina says:

    What a great reminder. I think we too often take relationships for granted. Take time to let people know you care and be kind.

    • Jim says:

      Thank you for joining the conversation! When I stop to think about it I am faced with a hard truth. I take relationship for granted more times than I would like to admit. It’s time to stop, reflect, and make changes.

  • Laurie Albanos says:

    I think our addiction to electronic devices is hindering our ability to connect with one another. I can’t say I’m not guilty of continuing to look at something on my phone while my son is telling me a story. I try to make an effort not to do that. This is a good reminder to try harder.

    • Jim says:

      Instead of making it an effort make it a part of your life. I find that I am very addicted to my tech. However, I have trained myself to put it down when my children come to me. I want them to know they are my priority. It was very very hard to do that and I sometimes fail. Yet, they know when they enter in the room they have my attention. We only get one shot when they are kids. I don’t want to mess mine up! Thank you for your realness and your comment!

  • Wow! I agree 100%! I have never stopped to think about it like that!

  • Annie says:

    Darn…. That thing with babies made me feel so bad. Yes, they did it for scientific purposes, but still… I don’t like this kind of experimenting.
    But other than that, I love your post. It actually made me realize why I “fell out of love” with my ex-boyfriend.

    • Jim says:

      I know! The thing with the babies was awful. It amazes me that people can be so cruel in the name of “Science.” I think you hit on the key thing. We fall “out of love” because we are not connected anymore. When we lose connection we lose relationship. It’s like a lamp. As long as it stays connected to the source it will turn on. Once it is disconnect from the source it can no longer shine. Thank you for joining in the conversation!

  • Elizabeth O. says:

    I agree with this 100%. I think it’s important that we connect with other people. As the saying goes, no man is an island. We need each other to thrive and grow.

    • Jim says:

      I agree with you 100% as well. We were never created to be an island. We were created to be in relationship. Great thought! Thank you for sharing.

  • Siobhan says:

    Really interesting post and so well written! I completely agree that the human soul needs to connect to another soul

    http://Www.shivonstyle.com

  • I love the part at the end of I Corinthians 13 where it talks about seeing in part and knowing in part, but when I see fully I shall know fully as I am fully known. There is something beautiful about the connectedness of another knowing you fully. It is terrifying but I think it’s what we crave as well.

    • Jim says:

      You are so right! I think is was the movie Avatar that echos this thought. When the Nav’i would interact in a tender moment they would say, “I see you.” What an awesome illustration of such a beautiful scripture. To be fully connected and fully seen (for who we are) is both scarey and exciting! Thank you for joining the conversation!

  • Iona says:

    Love, love this!!!! Connection is a must and so very important when it comes to relationships. This reminded me of me and my ex not connecting and just totally fully unconnectimg until we divorced. I wish I knew then what I know now. Thanks for a great and real read!!

  • Ivette L says:

    Totally agree with you there, my husband and I have been married for 20 years now in July but there are times we get so caught up in everyday life and we disconnect… Sometimes I feel like I am living with a roommate versus my husband… So I can relate to this post, thank you for sharing it!

    • Jim says:

      I like that you said “there are times that we get caught up in everyday life.” That is incredibly important to realize. When we realize this we can start to work towards changing it! Thank you for your realness here. I am prarying for you and the years to come!

  • eazynazy says:

    enjoyed reading your post and yes it’s true that we all are not connected in the same way

  • I love this because I am always teaching this as human beings we thrive on connections ! Great article ty for sharing!

  • Crystal Gard says:

    This really makes you stop and think about the connections we make not only in person but online everyday.

    • Jim says:

      Yes! Great point! With the investion of online we now have the ability to connect globally. Thank you for sharing that!

  • This is a great post and something to think about. I believe we really do need connections. When I lived in the country and no one was around for miles, I got a bit depressed. After moving to town where I interact with people daily, I have a bounce in my step.

    • Jim says:

      You said something very important that I want to point out. Connection changed what you were feeling. Without it you were down and with it you were not. I love that! Thank you for sharing.

  • Andrea Broom says:

    Enjoyed reading this post and makes a person stop to thing about the connections we make everyday sometimes we take them for granted and don’t realize how important they are.

    • Jim says:

      Yeah bring up a great discussion point. How often do we take life giving connections for granted? I think we would cry if we realized what we have truely taken for granted. It is a hard pill to swallow. Thank you for joining the conversation!

  • I couldn’t imagine a life without connections. I’m a solitary person by nature but even I need to connect with others or I’d go crazy. The longest I’ve gone was 2 weeks but it was a survival training in the Army and it was forced upon me. I found myself talking to the creatures and even the shrubs so it’s a good thing I have an imagination or I surly would have failed.

    • Jim says:

      I am glad you mentioned that. One of the questions that was brought up dealt with those who are solitary in nature. It was asked, “Do people who are introverted and prefer to live alone need to connect as well?” You just answered that question is a very beautiful fashion. Thank you for joining in!

  • Christina says:

    This is a huge part of what is wrong with our use of technology today. It has led to the ability to access more connection to others but on a less personal level. It is sad to go out and see so many glued to their phones instead of conversing while out together at restaurants, parties, etc. I agree with you that it is so important! Thanks so much for sharing!

    • Jim says:

      I want to frame your response and send it to others! As I mentioned we have a lot of interaction but very little connection. It is killing out ability to have interpersonal relationships. Electronics are tools to use not lifelines. Thank you for joining in the conversation!

  • I love that you’re holding a contest for this book – it’s one of my most favorites! This was a great topic to write on too, and you did it well. I hadn’t heard about that study with the babies before … So heartbreaking.

    • Jim says:

      I want to run contests throughout the year :). This is my first one! Super excited about it. I decided to go with this book because it was lifechanging for me. It took my marriage to a whole new level. Yeah, I agree the study was awful 🙁 .. Thank you for joining the conversation!

  • Wonderful! In order for any relationship to work their needs to be a connection. It is something that needs to be harnessed and worked on as well. Maintaining the connection is just as important.

    • Jim says:

      Yes! Thank you for bringing that up! Maintaining the connection is super important!! So often we fail to maintain what we obtain! Gosh, if we could realize that the possibilities for health are endless! Thank you so much for bringing that point up!

  • Of course,we are Made to Connect with other people!
    But not all can do this,or better…not all connect in the same way?!
    Enjoyed your post:)

    • Jim says:

      I think all were made to connect. However, you are right on! We were not created to connect in the same way. I am a big believer that we are not good for everyone, but we are good for someone. Meaning, that there is always someone there we can connect to! Thank you for your thoughts and for joining the post!

  • Susan says:

    Hello Dear,
    Yet another great post. I’m someone who loves to connect and find it very hard if hubby/people don’t connect back.
    I’m reading “4 seasons of marriage” by Gary Chapman for the second time around.
    I wonder where they got the babies from to do this study, very heartbreaking.

    • Jim says:

      Thank you for joining the conversation and for your kind words! What I find is that when you word had at connecting a little each day over time they will start to connect back. It takes a while. It can be frustrating. However, it can change. I have lived through it. Some people find it hard to connect, but if we continue pushing forward we will show them how!! That book is a good book. Gary Chapman is an excellent author. As for the babies, I have no idea where they got them. I was upset when I read that one!

  • Shaheen Khan says:

    Loved this post. We do need to strengthen our connection s and make every relationship more nurturing. Being a good listener is the most important aspect of connecting. It’s really horrifying that such an experiment actually took place. I cannot believe ppl put those sweet babies through it just to prove something. That’s an unforgivable crime!!!!

    • Jim says:

      Thank you for joining the conversation! Active listening is the most important part of connecting. If I don’t feel as if I am being listened to then I don’t feel connected. When I read about that study I wanted to cry. It was so aweful. There were a number of other studies done that were just as bad.

  • candy says:

    We make connections everyday and all day as we interact with people. Enjoyed reading this post and makes a person stop to thing about the connections we make everyday.

    • Jim says:

      Thank you for taking the time to comment! I appreciate your kind words! I love your train of thought that we should stop and think about the connections we make everyday!

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