It’s Christmas Time!
No matter where you are Christmas is all around you. Trees decorated with the most beautiful lights. Stockings hung by the chimney with care. The smell of Christmas cookies are in the air. If you are anything like me then you the colder weather is exciting you.
In a little while, you will be spending time with family creating beautiful memories.
The wonderful feelings of joy are all around.
Then I think about who I have lost. My mind drifts back to the pain that came when they left. How the hurt started to build. The pain started to deepen. Now, when everyone is so joyful I am trying to find some way to smile, but my heart is with those that I have lost.
Maybe you are there as well. You have recently lost someone. The pain is all too real, but you try to move on. You desire to move on, but the anchor of the past keeps you rooted in your current state of mind.
We are all asking the same question:
I remember the first Christmas without my grandmother. It was the most painful Christmas that I had experienced in recent memory. Sure, I had lost many who were dear to me. I had not expected the pain of losing my grandmother to be so intense.
It was as if every day that I existed a piece of me died with her passing.
I learned to put a smile on my face, but my heart had broken. I lost a piece of me. My grandmother was everything to me.
I remember the times she would sit and listen to my crazy stories. She would just sit there and smile as I spun my imagination into words.
I remember the food she would cook. I would wake up to the smells of pancakes, bacon, and eggs. During the Christmas season, you could smell the tantalizing aromas of ham and turkey.
Then there were the times of being wrapped in her arms and told that I am loved.
These memories are sacred.
Now I sit here, years later, wishing I could have made more memories with her. I wish I could go back in time and tell her the things that I never could. To hold her again would be a dream come true. I want to tell my nanny (That is what we called her) that she was one of the most important people in my life.
But I cannot.
That time is gone.
All I am left with are the memories of times gone by.
Maybe you are going through something similar. You have lost someone you loved and now you are picking up the pieces of a broken heart.
You have your memories of them. Somehow, that just doesn’t seem like enough for you.
Let me share with you this: You don’t have to relive the pain of your past every day.[bctt tweet=”You don’t have to relive the pain of your past every day. #Christmas #liveagain ” username=”jim_Burgoon”]
Your life isn’t a broken CD that is repeating the same section of the same song over and over. It isn’t a motion background set on constant repeat.[bctt tweet=”life isn’t a broken CD repeating the same song over and over. #stoprepeating” username=”jim_Burgoon”]
Your life is something beautiful. It is sacred. Something God (Yes, I am a believer in Jesus) has given you. At some point, you have to make the decision to move on.[bctt tweet=”At some point you have to make the decision to move on. #wakeup #liveon” username=”jim_Burgoon”]
Right now you may think that if you move on you are somehow violated their memory. That you’re somehow disappointing them when you are happy.
That is foolish belief.
You have not violated their memories. As a matter of fact, learning to live again may be the thing that most honors their memories!!!
You are meant to be happy. You will be happy again.
Let me give you 3 things that have helped me move on and learn to live again.
So the question is:
We tend to remember the traumatic experience of loss more than the years of life we had without loved ones. That somehow that one experience erased a lifetime of good memories.
Every time I thought about my grandfather I thought about the way I lost him. I watched him choke on dinner and then taken out on a stretcher. I never saw him alive again. That memory is burning into my mind. I was 10 years old. It was traumatic.
People live on in our memories. They may not be alive anymore, but when I remember them and what they meant to me they continue to live on.[bctt tweet=”As long as we remember those that we have lost they will continue to live on. #remember #lovedones” username=”jim_Burgoon”]
Practically, there are some things we can do:
a. Face the Pain.
Right now you have an option. You can run from the pain by ignoring it or you can face it. Facing the pain is inevitable. One day you will have to face the pain or be destroyed by it. Now is the time to decide to face it and move on.
b. Acknowledge the loss.
One of the worst things we can do is to ignore the pain. To ignore the pain is to ultimately lose our joy in the midst of our unhealed hurts. What happened sucked. It was painful. Take a moment and just acknowledge that it was a terrible time and move on.
c. Change your thought habit.
When something powerful happens, on an emotional level, we tend to remember that. We will think about it over and over. Eventually, it becomes all we think about. To move on we have to force a change in habit. We must force ourselves to focus on all the good that the person brought to our lives. We must stop focusing on the one event that has caused our life to stop in our tracks.[bctt tweet=”Remember the past, but don’t live in the past. #moveon #livetoday #giftoftoday” username=”jim_Burgoon”]
Acknowledge the pain of loss, but realize you still have to live on.
Life hasn’t stopped.
As a matter of fact, life will wait for no one. You still have a life to live. So live it well.
I am at a point in my life that when I think of the ones I lost I smile. Why? Because I let go of the pain (That took a while). I learned something very important.
Connect to the impact they made.
Do not focus on the tragedy.
It is time to make new memories. There are so many wonderful things happening in your life. Don’t let this one event (or many events) stall you to the point that you don’t live anymore.
[bctt tweet=”start collecting moments and changing them into memories. #memories ” username=”jim_Burgoon”]
You don’t have to let the old memories go you can add on to them with your new ones.
You have a lot of living to do.
Realize that they want you to live on. I think this brings me the most comfort.
Knowing that I can live a life that is full of happiness and joy while honoring the impact that they left.
Draw hope from the tomorrows you have yet to explore.
Live your Life!!!
Let me ask you a question:
Where are you in the process of moving on? What can you share that could help someone move on in their struggle?
Share and help someone through their challenges!
Wake up to the truth about BURNOUT
What do you do when you hear something you didn’t want to hear?
What to do when life gets stressful
Suffering in Silence
Moving from surviving to thriving
Time doesn’t heal all wounds
How to reclaim your joy
Now you can win the most important fight of your life